Thee Aaron Ohio Zine

"ANDY WARHOL LOOKS SO SWEET, HANGING ON MY WAAALLLLLLLL"
Thee Aaron Ohio picture of the day. In this moment Aaron ascended to heaven.

Thee Aaron Ohio picture of the day. In this moment Aaron ascended to heaven.

11 Reasons Why I Quit Horror Squad

Me in the spotlight. Photo by Paul Silver

There are a myriad of reasons as to why I quit Horror Squad. Here are 11 because blogs tend to use uneven numbers. 

11. I hated going to band practice. 

At band practice there was a lot of standing and my bad back would start hurting. 

10. My co-songwriter Paul Aguilera is deaf in one ear.

Me: Hey, Paul you should turn your volume down

Paul: What?

9. Horror Squad fans are all dudes

Some kid named Trevor who is a typical Horror Squad fan: a dude. 

It’s great that people love Horror Squad but it sucks they are all dudes. He also took like 9 pictures in a row. I am a busy man, I don’t have time for multiple pictures with guys. Because of this I stopped doing pictures and autographs altogether. 

8. The band is named Horror Squad.

When I tell ladies that my band is named Horror Squad they either think it’s Whore Squad or that we play Psychobilly. Either way they stop talking to me immediately. 

7. This fake picture was made of me when I joined the band.

Made by Donna Ramone if I remember correctly.

I would never take my pants off and lay on the ground drunk for laughs. This is borderline slander.

This concludes my saga of anti- Horror Squad posts as my zine and podcast agent let me know I am just giving the band more exposure.

SHOW REVIEW: Horror Squad’s first show without ME!

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Horror Squad comes to their senses.

This will be an unbiased review of Horror Squad’s first show without Thee Aaron Ohio. First things first the picture above is a statement they released just hours before the show.

"He taught us how to be a band.. And how to make love to a woman!"

But that statement would be the only highlight for the band that night as they were obviously not the same. They lacked the intangibles that I brought to the show.

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Me showcasing my intangibles at a previous show. Probably eyeing a lady that I probably banged that night. Photo by Paul Silver

The show went south quickly as there were walkouts and people putting on their ipods to listen to the versions of the song that feature me on them!

It got so bad the band on stage asked me to re-join them right there. I of course went on stage and kicked them all off and played the rest of the set solo. People rejoiced, women and children were crying, it was a historical night. 

The picture above is also a metaphor for me looking toward the future. What lies ahead for THEE Aaron Ohio brand? Stay tuned!

Aaron Ohio and THEE Horror Squadron

—Liquer Storys

We at THEE Aaron Ohio Zine have an exclusive NEW track by Aaron Ohio’s new band Aaron Ohio and THEE Horror Squadron! It’s called Liquer Storys and it’s our new favorite song! It has no relation at all to Aaron’s old band; Horror Squad’s Liquor Stories. All similarities are completely coincidental.

Lyrics:

WOOOOAAAAHHHHH

Take her straight to the emerrrrgency rooooom!

WOOOOOOAAAAAAAHHHH

The Truth Behind Aaron Ohio Leaving Horror Squad

EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS ONCE HAPPY BAND!

There are many reasons why I, Aaron Ohio left the band Horror Squad. And while I can’t get too specific with their being an impending court case I can tell you this. Horror Squad are bad businessmen. ALL I WANTED was 3 points of album sales, 47 percent of merch sales plus sole writing/producing/album art credit going on into the future. Apparently they don’t think I’m worth that and in turn all of you have to suffer.

The main reason also is jealousy. They couldn’t take that audiences took a liking to me more than them. They couldn’t take that in interviews all the questions were directed towards me, They couldn’t take that fans only wanted me to sign their breasts and not them. They couldn’t take that my Aaron Ohio brand far exceeded the band as a whole.

So with all that. My lawyers are taking action over the use of the name and songs. Be sure to catch Aaron Ohio and THEE Horror Squadron at all the summer festivals. 

BAND REVIEW: The World Is A Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid To Die

The World Is A Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid To Die is an emo band that got a 7.8 on Pitchfork. Initially their goal was to have more members than The Polyphonic Spree. A lot of people like this band. I am going to review their whole discography unbiased:

  • Demo - 0/5 Aaron Ohio Oats and 0/5 Aaron Ohio O’s
  • Formlessness 7” - 0/5 Aaron Ohio O’s and 0.5 Aaron Ohio Oats
  • Josh Is Dead 7” - 0/5 Aaron Ohio O’s and 0/5 Aaron Ohio Oats
  • Sssensephiroth 7” - 0/5 Aaron Ohio O’s and 0/5 Aaron Ohio Oats
  • 4’33” CS - 0/5 Aaron Ohio O’s and 0/5 Aaron Ohio Oats
  • Are Here to Help You - 0/5 Aaron Ohio O’s and 0/5 Aaron Ohio Oats
  • Tigers Jaw/The World Is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die/Code Orange Kids/Self Defense Family 4-Way Split 7” - 0/5 Aaron Ohio O’s and 0/5 Aaron Ohio Oats
  • Whenever, If Ever LP - 0/5 Aaron Ohio Oats and 0/5 Aaron Ohio O’s
  • Mixed Signals Comp - 0/5 Aaron Ohio Oats and 0/5 Aaron Ohio O’s

They are able to make zero bowls of Apple Cinnamon oatmeal. And I assure you it has nothing to do with this!

Even though I am THEE Aaron Ohio I am not being biased at all. I moved away from Cleveland so I can’t be biased! I’m just saying if they ever talk bad about my hometown ever again I will Superkick that slide whistle sounding keyboard from California all the way to Lake Erie. 

Seriously I will fight all 15 of them. They play emo music! I can take all of them. They were probably mad the 8th guitarist and wind chime player couldn’t fit onstage at Now That’s Class.

together PANGEA!!!

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together PANGEA at the best DIY venue!!! I want to go back in time and high five the crowd surfing girl!

I love together PANGEA. They are a great band and even greater guys (I’m assuming). When they changed their name from Pangea to together PANGEA I thought it was dumb but it’s grown on me! They probably did not want to be connected to that lame 2 hour Miles Davis song Pangaea.

together Pangea have influenced me in many aspects of my life; To the point of me changing all the contacts in my phone 

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together BARRY is exactly who you think it is. I have friends in high places (together BOBB, together BOOTH, and together BRIAN ADDER are all famous creative people who you do not have the social status to have their number)

It does not stop there I even got a new tatt!

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together FOREVER!

So check out their stuff on Lauren Records. It’s good power pop/garage stuff. You won’t regret it. 

p.s. together BAND GUY is someone whose name I didn’t know at a party who wants to play the greatest DIY venue of all time. I did not tell him I do not have the authority to make it happen but I did not want my cultural stature to seem less than it is perceived.. 

I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: With my new facial hair I promise not to make “mustache ride” jokes. Thank you for reading.

I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: With my new facial hair I promise not to make “mustache ride” jokes. Thank you for reading.

With The Help Of New Sponsors THEE Aaron Ohio Zine is going to FEST 13!

Please welcome our new sponsors BP, the NRA, Rupert Murdoch, and Hobby Lobby!

I am very happy to announce THEE Aaron Ohio will be attending Fest 13 in Gainesville Florida. I can’t wait to see all the great bands this Halloween! This of course could not have happened without the help of our new sponsors! Because lets face it I’m not gonna spend 600 dollars to see like 5 decent bands, 4 of which are my friends.

Unfortunately I am having trouble lining up interviews and segments with bands due to the “controversial” nature of some of my sponsors which I think these lefty bands need to chill out.

J Russ of Signals Midwest declined an interview with us because he is a quote “huge fan of birth control pills because condoms are for amateurs, Fuck Hobby Lobby” 

Red beanie of Masked Intruder said “Why are you contacting us, you clearly don’t like our band” He had a point. 

So if you are a band who won’t mind doing a video interview with us where you have to hold our sponsors products the whole time which includes a BP pump, a gun, and wear a News Corp t-shirt with a Klan hood knitted by fabric from Hobby Lobby please message me!

nickswisewords:

I just realized I’m still mad at thee-aaronohio because in 2011 he told me he didn’t like Against Me! and once he purchased either Searching For A Former Clarity or Reinventing Axl Rose, listened to it in his car, and hated it and threw it out the window.

It was Searching For A Former Clarity. I threw it out my window on the third song. I liked Laura’s voice on Miami but other then that it’s trash. 

(Source: modern-nickball)