Thee Aaron Ohio Zine

"Loooove will tear us apart agaiiiinn"

Reports say Garage Punk/Indie/Lo-Fi Officially Over

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The independent music scene officially called it quits after this tweet.

It is being reported that Garage/Indie/Lo-Fi music as a whole is being discontinued as of Tuesday, April 8th 2014 after Garage God Mick Collins of The Gories, Blacktop and currently The Dirtbombs said he was sick to death of the “sung- through-a-shitty-PA vocal sound” that has dominated the scene for years now. 

Many record labels including Hot Dog records have recalled all their catalog after the Garage punk titan made his statement. “We are very sorry for promoting this trend for so long. We are also very sorry for charging 40 dollars for an outdoor festival that did not include Ty Segall”.

Innovator Robert Pollard of Guided By Voices said he was too sorry for creating the trend in the 80’s. “I am deeply sorry young people are into the lo-fi aesthetic. I was just a really poor kid in Ohio who couldn’t afford studio time. I hope my peers forgive me.”

Sex icon and greatest rhythm guitarist of all time Aaron Ohio was relieved when the scene ended this trend saying. “If the garage punk music you like doesn’t require you to wear a leather jacket and chain smoke then it’s not good. If you can wear a tanktop then it ain’t real.” He was very drunk. He prompted the youth to listen to all of Mick Collins bands Blacktop and The Dirtbombs especially and of course the Oblivians for real garage punk and Guided By Voices and The Mice for real indie rock.

PLEASE STOP FOLLOWING THIS ZINE!

CAN’T YOU SEE I DONT WANT YOU ANYMORE!!!

Every time I log in to tumblr to check my favorite porn blogs (phat booty cuties) I see that I have gained more and more followers. Please unfollow. I ended this zine and no longer update it. I hate each and every one of you for not propelling me to the heights of the mainstream. I should be a correspondent for some horrible punk site I don’t frequent and going to Fest for free or some shit. My band Horror Squad should have been signed by Matador or Merge records by now. But here I am still in Rialto fucking California.

And please if it’s now cool to like me because I/the zine is dead then kindly fuck off. I am not A Band Called Death or Big Star. 

 I am better. I am immortal. I am Aaron Ohio. A-amen

This is something stupid I wrote on facebook.

This is something stupid I wrote on facebook.

nickswisewords:

I just found this photo from the first ever VLHS show which I wanna say was Adder/ Aaron Ohio/ Horror Squad/ Banzai/ Signals Midwest?

Look at the joy I put out into the universe.

nickswisewords:

I just found this photo from the first ever VLHS show which I wanna say was Adder/ Aaron Ohio/ Horror Squad/ Banzai/ Signals Midwest?

Look at the joy I put out into the universe.

Aaron Ohio is back! Again!

Aaron Ohio with Mordecai the cat!

After quitting the zine and turning my back on all my fans for the 8th time. (actual count, I quit the zine the first day I started it) I have decided to come back because I realized a lot of my new followers of late have been ladies!!!!

Sup babes!

Aaron Ohio is not above hitting on fans. I have hit on the majority of my friends girlfriends before I knew they were together. I am a sleaze. I am on the dating app Tinder because getting shut down by ladies in person in a drunk emotional state at a show is not good enough anymore. I cannot wait to have sex with more strangers!

The reason I picked a picture with me and a cat is because I’m out to get that pussssssyyyyyyyy!!!!!

LOL goodbye I’m quiting the zine for that last sentence alone.

I QUIT!

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This is what a tumblr should look like.

 I am an attractive god damn genius. 

So it drives me insane when I come on tumblr to scroll down and all I see is the same memes from the same 5 tv shows, think pieces and comics on body image and other issues written by people who have never had body shame or any real life experiences. And I see these people are tumblr famous. 

And I go to a show and the question I get all the time is “How many tumblr followers do you have?”

My reply: 100. ONE FUCKING HUNDRED! Literally people who have never done anything interesting on here has more followers than me. I used to be a fucking internet force! I have 100,000 views on youtube from 1 video. I MADE THAT JOYCE MANOR COVER ON YOUTUBE. 

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? My how the mighty have fallen. 

tl;dr: I’ve turned heel on thee Aaron Ohioans. You all can drop dead because you are more famous than me. The apostles weren’t more popular than Jesus you feel me?

I quit THEE Aaron Ohio Zine. You won’t know what ya got till it’s gone.

FUCK BEARD CULTURE (Post-Beard Movement)

No regrets cutting this thing.

HEY Aaron Ohio is back. Turns out you can’t go to jail for being creepy in the small capacity I was. Technicalities and all. Anyway I’m hear to not only tear down a horrendous culture but also birth a new one. 

Post-rock, post-metal, post-hardcore, post-punk, post-country, post-sex, post-seapunk,post-powerviolence and now you can add Post-Beard to the family. No it is not a genre of music but you get what I’m saying.

Not having a beard has changed my life. I dropped in on a miniramp, I have an internet girlfriend, and am now the head of the Men’s Rights Activists subreddit (LOL JK!!!)

I just want to get back to the days where a beard meant you were lazy, a rapist, or street tough. Now everyone has a beard and you can no longer profile people. Lame.

Happy Valentines Day from Aaron Ohio.

Happy Valentines Day from Aaron Ohio.

ALSO ANOTHER BAND PARODY. Made by Sabotageone
Funny because I do not like Man Is The Bastard or powerviolence as a whole. But still awesome, and hits home because I do not know my father.

ALSO ANOTHER BAND PARODY. Made by Sabotageone

Funny because I do not like Man Is The Bastard or powerviolence as a whole. But still awesome, and hits home because I do not know my father.

Joyce Moyer (my last name is Moyer for those who don’t know)
Made by Tory

Joyce Moyer (my last name is Moyer for those who don’t know)

Made by Tory